white girl problems...

So I had someone place their hand on my belly and knowingly wonder if I was pregnant.... again...

It's all funny in Two Weeks Notice when the black lady says "What Baby?!"
that is, in fact, until it actually happens to you!

When the lady asked I laughed it off and said "Oh just gaining some weight!" and tried to help her feel less uncomfortable about the situation. She really meant no harm!

But, if I'm honest, I did cry a little about it.
My poor sweet husband tried to make me feel better about it:
Tez: Your not fat! Everything on you is skinny. It's just that your belly is like the only thing that has any weight on it! Plus you were wearing a dress that pregnant ladies wear a lot.
By that he meant empire waist.
At that point I just had to laugh.

It's interesting how much "beauty" can affect women.
I once heard it stated that woman think about beauty as much as men think about sex.
A while ago I read the book Captivating which stated that one question women intrinsically ask themselves & others throughout their life is: "Am I lovely?"

I have been considered "skinny" since I was little and into high school. Really. When I was in Middle School I HATED it when people called me skinny b/c they would say it like an insult: Tatiana, you are SOOOO skinny! and I secretly feared that they thought I had an eating disorder, which I didn't! Up until after college I could pretty much eat whatever I wanted and get away with it.

Not so much now....

Then I see pics like this on facebook and it kind of fuels the feminist in me:

PREACH IT! I think to myself. I'm PUERTO RICAN AND REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES!!!

and then I see this pic below which shows how back in the 50s-60s having meat on your bones was sexy. And I hear about how it wasn't until Audrey Hepburn came into Hollywood when the culture shifted and identified her body type as beautiful neglecting to remind you that Audrey Hepburn took ballet, and she also experienced a time of malnutrition and I'm all like: What is this culture preaching to us?!

And I want to start preaching! In fact I kind of went on a rampage to my husband the other day... poor guy.
I am an extreme person.
It's real easy for me to get sucked into both ends of the spectrum. Fighting the I need to be skinny mindset with the DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO EAT mindset.
But after some pondering, I don't think I need to be at either extreme.

My middle ground is this: I am a victim of my culture. I don't think my stomach is beautiful, I think I should look like the ultra Photoshoped women on magazines but really, REAL WOMEN HAVE PORES! and shadows on their face, and laugh lines, and there is a time of the month where bloating in inevitable! well you get my point.

This year I do want to lose weight. But I want it to be through eating healthier, not through starving myself. I am reading some great books/articles about nutrition that are really helping influence my decision making. So I guess knowledge really is Power. It has in fact helped me loose some weight so far. It really is about self control for me (aka not eating 3 muddy's cupcakes a week)

I do want to exercise. I mean I'm not down for marathon running but a 5K seems like a great next step. So I am signing up for one with friends and will be practicing throughout the week.

But ultimately I still have to remind myself of this: 1 Peter 3:3-4 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

To me, that doesn't mean I'm no longer disciplined about what I eat, just not obsessed with it.

I have to take captive the lies that our culture tells me about what true beauty is and allow God's word to shape my thoughts...

even if I have to tell people that I'm simply carrying around a food baby.....